Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
