So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So vagazzling was a success
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
