I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
