idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
