Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Screwed.edu
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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