The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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