I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
