it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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