left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
