im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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