Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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