Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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