If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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