im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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