I want to make a zoo with you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
