so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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