just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
