hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
