well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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