Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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