Having a random hookup so left but love u
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
