If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There r osticjed everywhere
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to calm my uterus...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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