I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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