I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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