Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
