That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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