I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
