"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
