Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize