Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
