Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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