i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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