I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
