eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
