So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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