Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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