I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
