apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
