Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
