apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
