Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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