Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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