Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
