You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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