I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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