best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
