Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
