Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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