you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
