can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.