so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that's an acceptable place to lick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.