Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.