I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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