Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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