Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
