So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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