WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
