i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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