You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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