Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
