I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
