this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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