Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
