Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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