you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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