I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
