Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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