I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
