now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
