do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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