I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
