Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
