The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
